a week from today and irrational fears and real runners

In one week I will run my first official 5k. I have been running the distance (and then some) of a 5k for quite a while now. But this is my first ever race. It's just a fun run/walk and fundraiser to some, but to me it is so much more. It's literal blood, sweat, and tears. It's a culmination of hard work and dedication and fails and triumphs and believing in myself and doubting myself and self pride and self loathing. It's proving to myself and others that I can do whatever I want to do. BECAUSE I CAN!

I will get no medal for this race. I will get no prize for finishing and I certainly won't be finishing first. But dangit, I don't care. I'm going to go out there and run the best that I can. Because I can.

I would be lying if I said that I wasn't already nervous. Because I am. I have this irrational fear that all the 'real' runners are going to be out there and looking at me and be all judge-y. The rational part of me knows this isn't true. The 'real' runners I know have been nothing but supportive of me in this journey. Encouraging me with comments on facebook and instagram and in actual, real life. Nevertheless, the fear is there. I can feel it creeping up on me saying things like 'you're not a real runner,' or 'what in the world do you think you are doing? you can't run an actual race!'

BUT (praise the Lord for buts)! I am a real runner. I run. I may be slow, but I run. I put one foot in front of the other. I put in the time and energy. I put my shoes on and get out the door. I am a real runner!

This is what a runner looks like:

And runners look like my Aunt Twila and Uncle Chuck. They look like my cousin Amy and my friends Scarlet and Callie. They look like my boss Jody and her husband Darby. They look like normal people.

If I have learned anything from my running journey, it is that all it takes to be a runner is to put your shoes on and start running. Anyone can be a runner. I am a runner!